Clam Jokes, Crabby Puns and Fishy Trivia


A giant clam cleaned my house earlier…

… Thanks Mr. Mussel.
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“Shy is the oyster, fervent is the clam, peaceful is the ocean floor rocked by the sands of time.”
– Bradley Chicho
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I always go fishing with my two best friends… Rod & Annette
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The Japanese Spider Crab is the biggest, measuring about 12 feet between its claws!
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I’d give you my best lines here, but I’m too shellfish!

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The largest clam ever recorded was found in Okinawa in 1956, and it weighed 750 pounds.
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“His chops are too righteous.”
– Plankton, during Sponge Bob’s guitar solo

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What did the Ocean say to the shore?

… Nothing. It just waved.
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Some people keep Clams as pets; however they do not enjoy being taken for walks.
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Crabs have eight legs, which make them very agile, but oddly enough they are terrible dancers because of their 4 left feet.
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A monastery is having a fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, “Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”

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A good crab joke is hard to crack!
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“He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.”
– Jonathan Swift

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Areas where there are a lot of clams are called clam flats.
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Crab meat is very high in vitamin B12.
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Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?

… Because they dropped out of school.
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In Iceland, an Ocean Quahog clam from 250 feet deep turned out to be over 405 years old!
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“You just let me know if those crabs wont share the butter with you. They have been known to be a little shellfish.”
– The Waiter
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Game warden: Didn’t you see the no-fishing sign, son?
Boy: I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!

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Pea crabs are the smallest of all crabs and, not surprisingly, are about the size of a pea.
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Like a whale, a clam’s main food source is plankton.
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How do crabs get around on land?

…They use the sidewalk.
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It takes a lot of mussels to be an oysterman!
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Johnny: Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Davey: I don’t know. Why?
Johnny: Because they have their own scales!
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

… A Fsh!
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Two parrots sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other: “Can you smell fish?”
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I only fish on days that end in “Y”.
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I pulled a muscle today…

… I stayed clam.
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“Chowderhead” is not related to clam chowder, but is a variation of “jolterhead,” used in the 16th century to mean “idiot.”
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A group of Clams is called a bed.
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How did the shark plead in the murder case?

… Not gill-ty.
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“All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster’s autobiography.”
– Federico Fellini
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The best time to go clam digging is an hour before low tide.
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What do you call an underwater transformer?

…Octopus Prime.
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Dad: Why do fish swim in schools?
Son: I don’t know.
Dad: Because they can’t walk!

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There are over 12,000 clam species found throughout the world in many different habitats.
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Man walks in to a restaurant and says, “Do you server crabs here?”

The hostess replies, “We serve everyone. Have a seat.”
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What do clams do on their birthday?

… They shellabrate!
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What do fish need to stay healthy?

…Vitamin Sea.
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The clam has been around since the early Paleozoic Era (468-450 million years ago) and has changed little biologically in that time.
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Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
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What is the best way to communicate with a fish?

… Drop it a line!
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If you think of any better fish puns…

…Let minnow.
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A group of crabs is called a cast.
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“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
– Steven Wright

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Why does the mermaid wear seashells?

… Because she grew out of her B-shells.
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Lawrence “Chubby” Woodman repudedly invented fried clams in 1916 in Essex, MA.
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There are approximately 95,471 miles of shoreline in the United States and its territories.
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Dad: Where do fish keep their money?
Son: Where?
Dad: In a riverbank.

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Predators of the clam include snails, crabs, shrimp, starfish, fish, birds and people.
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Florida has the second longest coastline after Alaska, with 1,260 white-sand miles of coast.
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Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school?

… For the Soup-erintendent.
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A hard shell called a carapace covers a crab’s body.
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I only go clamming on days that end in “Y”.
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What does seaweed say when it’s stuck at the bottom of the sea?

… Kelp! Kelp!
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You can count the number of growth lines on a clam’s shell to determine its age.
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“New England oysters are better than Chesapeake. But Chesapeake blue crabs are unbeatable.”
– Jim Himes

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Where do shellfish go to borrow money?

… The prawn broker.
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“You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.”
– Mitch Hedberg

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All crabs have one pair of pincers (chelipeds) and four pairs of walking legs.
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Clam diggers Frank Samuelsen and George Harbo were the first men to row across the Atlantic. It took them 55 days to row the 3,000 miles from New York to the Scilly Isles.
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What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?

… It a-piers we have a problem.
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What party game do fish like to play?

…Salmon Says.
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Every year, thanks to the movement of the tectonic plates, the Atlantic gets 5cm wider.
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Little Danny and his mom were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Danny proudly dangled it before his mom.
“No, honey, it won’t do for bait,” she said. “It’s not an earthworm.”
“It’s not?” Danny asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is it from?”

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The Atlantic Ocean formed during the Jurassic Period. It is now about 41,100,000 square miles.
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There are about 5,000 species of crabs. Only about 4,500 are true crabs. The other 500 types are false crabs and include hermit crabs, king crabs, porcelain crabs and horseshoe crabs.
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What is the saddest fish in the sea?

… A Blue Whale!
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Fishing Record:
Channel Catfish – 58 pounds

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The three main types of clams are soft-shelled, hard clams, and surf clams.
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“I only make movies to finance my fishing.”
– Lee Marvin

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Horseshoe crabs are not crabs at all… they are not even crustaceans.
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The Sargasso Sea is a region in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, surrounded by ocean currents, and this is the only sea that has no coast.
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“Clam” comes from an Old English word relating to “clamp” or “restrain; and “clammy” comes form an Old English word for mud or clay; or from a Middle Low German word meaning stickiness.
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What did the magician say to the fisherman?

…Pick a cod, any cod!
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Cooking clams to an internal temperature of 140 degrees Fahrenheit will kill nearly all bacteria. Steam them for at least six minutes.
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The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean.
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Clam Shells have been used for jewelry and currency.
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“My favorite food in the world is hard shell crabs from Maryland.”
– David Benioff

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Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?

…A Mer-Maid
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“Probably fishing is my first passion.”
– Luke Bryan

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I only go crabbing on days that end in “Y”.
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Clam City is the sixteenth level of Donkey Kong Country and the second underwater level in the game.
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Fishing Record:
White Sturgeon – 468 pounds
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A strong waterspout may sweep up animals, such as crabs, that live near the water surface and then rain them down over land
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How do shellfish get to the hospital?

…In a clambulance.
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Pants that reach mid-calf are “clam diggers.”
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Massachusetts has the oldest public beach in the United States; Revere Beach, a few miles north of Boston, was established in 1896.
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Crabs first appeared on the Earth during the Jurassic period, about 200 million years ago.
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Alaska has The Unuted State’s longest shoreline, which extends for 33,904 miles.
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Clamato plus vodka, a twist of lemon, some celery and pepper is a “Bloody Caesar.”
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There are between 50,000 and 200,000 different kinds of mollusks.
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Whats the best way to catch a fish?

…Have someone toss it at you.
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Fishing Record:
Swordfish – 1,182 pounds
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Quahog is a name from the Naragansett Native Americans.
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The turn of a snail’s shell is called a whorl. In 99 percent of all snail species, that whorl goes in a clockwise direction.
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Average lifespan of a crab is between 3 and 4 years.
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“I don’t want no diamonds, I don’t want no shoes, I don’t want no party. I want some crabs.”
– Patti LaBelle
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Clams are bivalves, meaning they have two shells.
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What is the difference between a piano and a fish?

…You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish.
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Clam shell patterns are like snow flakes, no two are the same!
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Fishing Record:
Bluefin Tuna – 1,496 pounds
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The first legislation regulating clamming was introduced in Maine in 1821.
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Why do fish always know how much they weigh?

… Because they have their own scales.
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Crabs communicate via sound. They produce drumming and flapping sounds by using their claws and pincers.
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“There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good.”
– H. L. Mencken
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Clams Casino was invented in Rhode Island.
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Fishing Record:
Great White Shark – 2,664 pounds
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Olympia Washington’s Evergreen State College’s mascot is a geoduck clam named “Speedy”.
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“Fishing is much more than fish. It is the great occasion when we may return to the fine simplicity of our forefathers.”
– Herbert Hoover
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If a clam doesn’t open while cooking, it means it died before purchasing and shouldn’t be eaten.
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Fishing Record:
Black Marlin – 1,560 pounds
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Native Americans used quahog shells to create Wampum, traditional shell beads used to fashion necklaces, bracelets and belts.
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Why don’t fish like basketball?

…Cause they’re afraid of the net
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Quahogs are the Official Shell of Rhode Island.
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Crabs are also known as decapods because they have 10 legs. First pair of legs is modified into claws, called chelae.